Let’s face it. We all lie to ourselves on a daily basis and the internet makes it worse. It is our enabler and it’s so good at doing this we’ve started believing our own bullshit. We think we are who our profiles say we are. But we aren’t, are we? So here I am, taking a moment to admit that I am not as put together as I would like to seem to the world:
1. My name is not Aika Rojas.
My real name is Jerryca Fiona Gabuelo Rojas. It’s a tiny detail but it’s a big deal. Names are important. It’s the first bit of ourselves we voluntarily present to other people, our personal brand, if you must. ‘Aika’ is the brand I have chosen to distinguish myself with in the public sphere. I believe it is a name that represents a girl who is direct and uncomplicated, but unique enough to be memorable and maybe even just a little bit charming. This is who I am when I give you this name. However, the rest of the time I am ‘Jerryca Fiona’, a girl who is equal parts strange and familiar, a story that is difficult to grasp and even harder to recount in its entirety, and an existence that is complex and fragmented, struggling to be a single thing when it is not.
2. I am not the girl in my profile picture.
I have more blemishes than are visible. I had to comb my hair until my arms were sore just to get it to curve inward. Most days, my hair twists and turns in every direction because I prefer functional limbs. I don’t own any bright and colorful floral dresses. Majority of my clothes are basics and I lust for a diverse wardrobe as a result. Fortunately, I have good friends who help me live the dream for brief moments every now and then. Hence, my profile picture is nothing but a tableau of the character I have made up for my digital farce.
3. I don’t have that many friends.
It says I have at least 1,500 friends. This is the biggest lie of all. How the hell does any human being maintain friendships by the thousands? It’s just not possible. If anything, this number consists mostly of people I don’t really know. Take away the names who don’t matter to me personally and I’m left with the good ten percent who do. Although, that’s already when I’m feeling generous.
4. I am not taking up Applied Mathematics: Major in Mathematical Finance.
As of the moment I am writing this, I technically still am. I am in the process of shifting concentration. On paper, I am still in the program but, in reality, my heart hasn’t been in it since sophomore year. I started taking management classes last year and I am loving my life again. But I have to admit, ‘Applied Mathematics: Major in Mathematical Finance’ still sounds more impressive. Promise I’ll update my ‘ABOUT’ section after I’ve officially shifted though! (teehee)
5. My photos don’t tell the whole story.
Unfortunately, I constantly have to filter myself to appeal to society’s standards (and to avoid harsh judgement). I can only show the presentable version of my whole person, a tiny fraction of who I really am. It’s not because I am ashamed of myself. In fact, I like my unfiltered self better because she laughs like she means it, indulges her silly ideas, and embraces her idiosyncrasies. Sadly, most people would rather I keep her away from the public eye, lest I offend the sensibilities of a stranger I could care less about. Thus, in the spirit of IDGAF, here are a few of the number of moments that never made the cut:
There you go! I’ve exposed my crap for all to see and have a good laugh at. Got any of your own? Share them in the comments! :)